


The Day After

by Mayhem21



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Crack, Gen, Round Robin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-04-17
Updated: 2007-04-17
Packaged: 2017-11-04 10:55:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,017
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/393050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mayhem21/pseuds/Mayhem21
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Red vs Blue. The journal entries of the inhabitants of Blood Gulch the day after a most ... interesting dance. Created as a round robin on the Red vs. Blue Forum, The Grif Thread.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Day After

**Author's Note:**

> This emerged from the Grif Thread on the Rooster Teeth Red vs. Blue web forum on February 16, 2007. The creators are myself (ptath), Luipaard, css4ever and Vlad976. These entries have been slightly (very slightly) edited for consistency and a linear flow.
> 
> The prompt was this: Tex got Grif completely drunk and then dared him to get up on stage and perform a belly dance.
> 
> And so he did.
> 
> The following entries recount the next day's adventures.

**Church's Journal, February 15, 3:08 AM**  
Tex has gone insane. The image now burned into my retinas will soon drive me to a similar state. More alcohol will be required to remove the unsightly image. Am sending Caboose to the store to buy Everclear.

**Grif's Diary, February 15, 10:33 AM**

Have the horrible feeling that I made an absolute ass of myself last night. Donut keeps on humming "It's Raining Men" with THAT look in his eye. Should never have let Tex get me drunk.

**Church's Journal, February 15, 10:45 AM**

TEX has flowers. Tex has FLOWERS. Tex HAS flowers. She said they were for Grif. Why? He wasn't that good a dancer! And singing to that stupid "It's Raining Men" song! THAT DIRTY RED STOLE MY GIRLFRIEND!

**Grif's Diary, February 15, 11:00 AM**

Tex has shown up at the base with flowers. She laughed and said "Thanks for the show."

OMG, WTF DID I DO?

**Grif's Diary, February 15, 11:00 AM: Supplemental**

Oh well. It coulda been worse. It could have been Donut bringing me flowers.

**Sarge's Journal, February 15, 11:07 AM**

Tex walked up to the base with flowers for Grif. Doesn't he realize that there's most likely some kind of radioactive pollen in them designed to kill all Reds? The only other possibility is that Grif has defected to the Blues (dirty traitor). Simmons must know what drove the turdbucket to such an action. Nothing else can explain why he flinches every time he looks at Grif.

**Tucker's Diary, February 15, 11:10 AM**

What the hell is Church's problem? He shouldn't be going out with that half-shark anyway. This way Tex can keep Grif busy, and now I can try some of my new pick-up lines on that yellow chick!

Except, the last time I tried, Grif heard me, and said if I did it again he would rip out my liver and eat it raw. Eww.

**Cabose's Dieary, Febuary 15, 11:15 AM**

cHurch is mad again. But I didn't do anything! Why does he have to keep yelling at me and Tucker? I wish he didn't have a head-ache. Maybe he needs medicine?

Last night Chruch sent me on a VERY IMPORTANT, TOP SECRET MISSION! i had to go to command, which was disquised as a store and pick up top-secret liquiid for a SECRET PROJECT church was working on last night when he got back from the mission with Tex and Gruff and Simmons and Captin Breadrolls.

**Sister's Diary, February 15, 11:20 AM**

I can NOT believe what Tucker just said to me! He deserves every bit of pain he's in now. And when Tex gets back, I'll tell her what he said and he will suffer more! HAH! Serves him right! And if he tries again, I'll tell Dexter. He told me that if Tucker tried anything, he'd build Donut that white picket fence he wants and decorate it with Tucker's intestines.

I wonder how much of last night Dex remembers? He told me I couldn't come to the bar ... strip club ... thingie...but I followed them anyways. I used my phone to record the dance he did after, like, a zillion beers. I ALSO recorded the kiss he gave Tex when he got back down!

That's right, I've got BLACKMAIL! BHWAHAHAHAHAH!

**Tex's Diary, February 15, 11:25 AM**

Oh my GOD, his expression was PRICELESS! He obviously doesn't remember anything from last night. He's a good kisser though. Mmm.

Wait, that's Sister jogging over here. Why is Tucker chasing her?

**Andy's Log, February 15, 11:30:59:23 AM**

Once again the dirty Shiznos' left me behind... dirty Shizno's

Ah well, I didn't even want to come along anyway, should just blow them all up...  
I'm so lonely...

**Cabose's Dieary, Febuary 15, 11: 28 AM**

i got teh TOP SECRET DRINK (it tastes good, I had some on the way back) but the yellow one just ran past me, and now Tucker has gone by to... Tex and the orange man are coming out. They don't look happy.

**Donut's Diary, February 15, 11:30 AM**

There is so much going on right now! Gosh, it's like a soap opera! Last night was my birthday, and since Sarge said that he'd rather guzzle motor oil than have a sleep over at the base, Grif and Simmons offered to take me out for a night on the town! And who'd have thought that we'd run into Church and Tex?

Man, it was hilarious! Tex got Grif totally wasted and dared him to get up on the stage and dance. Which he did. I so wish I had a recording of it. He was really good!

And Tex came by earlier with flowers. Looks like those two are reversing roles in this relationship giggles. Tucker is chasing Sister all over the canyon and now Grif is chasing Tucker, screaming at the top of his lungs that he was going to beat him to death with this own skull. Tex is following him and Sarge is having a conniption fit on top of the base.

I'd write more, but I need to go reboot Simmons. Something has to be wrong with his cooling systems. He's gotten three cold showers today already!

**Grif's Diary, February 15, 12:15 AM**

Tex offered to show me how to beat Tucker to death with his own skull. I was going to take her up on it, but then Tucker fell over and started crying. Damnit, I felt SORRY for the guy. So, I just settled for menacing him with my knife. Ha, ha, moron went and fainted right there. Cockbite.

Tex is a handy girl to have around. Hmm ...

**Church's Journal, February 15, 12:21 PM**

Great, just great. Grif scared Tucker so much that he's crying like the little baby he is. Tex is giving Grif looks that she has no right to be giving him and Caboose just found the Everclear! Damn it! He better not try to drive Sheila anywhere. Somehow, I just know that he'll run me over and destroy my body. Again.

**Andy's Log, February 15, 12:33:02:36 PM**

I have somehow traveled backward in time, and that means ... nothing, shit.

Heeehhhhhh, bunch of punk-ass Shizno's if you ask me, go ahead why don't you ask me!

If only Sheila were around existence would have meaning again, ah well that'll never happen, oh wait look there she is! I can explode again, or not!

**Sister's Diary, February 15, 12:34 PM**

Dexter has girlfriiieend, Dexter has girlfriiieend, Dexter has girlfriiieend!

Oh no, he heard me.

**Sarge's Journal, February 15, 12:37 PM**

What in Sam-hell is going on here? Grif is supposed to be a traitor! So I can shoot him! What does he think he's doing trying to kill a Blue? He's supo ...

Since when did Grif want to kill anyone? Hell, when did he decide to do something besides laze around and eat?

Gosh darn it, where's Simmons? He'd better tell me what's going on or there'll be hell to pay!

**Tucker's Diary, February 15, 12:37 PM**

Oh God, it wasn't supposed to turn out like this. Maybe I shouldn't have used that line earlier...then Sister wouldn't have hit me in the crotch with her pistol. whimpers But still, she's the one who shouted, "If you want me, come and get me!" before running off! And now Tex is offering to show Grif how to beat me to death with my own skull.

Oh, hey, maybe since Grif and Tex are so busy trying to deny they're involved...yeah, this is probably a good time to run away.

**Simmons' Diary, February 15, 12:40 PM**

Donut just tried to pry me out of the shower. Naked. I screamed and threw one of his shampoo bottles at him. He ran out. Hah.

WHY do these images continue to plague my mind? Why? Why? WHY?

**Tex's Diary, February 15, 12:40 PM**

That idiot Tucker just tried to crawl away, so I kicked him in the ass. Literally. Ha ha! He should know better than that!

But hey, now Grif owes me one. Heheheh...

**Doc's Diary, February 15, 12:45 pm**

Junior is so adorable! He found an alien squirrel...thing and killed it. I think he wants to give it to his Mommy, or as he calls Tucker, Blarggy! Nature's so amazing! No matter what species, the love a child feels for his mother overcomes everything!

I hope Tucker understands. Church said that he's near the Red Base. We should be there in a minute. Sister's there, too. Maybe while Tucker and Junior are bonding we can...slip off for a while. I mean, he and Junior really need to be spending more time together! Really!

**Sarge's Journal, February 15, 12:50**

Holy Toledo, there's just one huge convention down there! What is this? Why aren't they killing each other?

But now there's that O'Malley coming over! And he has something with him!

Need to get the sniper rifle out...

It's a strange dog of some kind. My God, the Blues have genetically engineered a living weapon that will now devour all Reds on sight!

**Church's Journal, February 15, 12:50 PM**

Thash's it! I am marching down there and I am goooing to demand that Tex come back to the Bluuuue Base! She doesn't need to be messing around with any Redddssh.

I...Caboose! Come back with my Everclear!

**Cabose's Diary, Febuary 15, 12: 52 PM**

Church hit me! I don't know whY! He took the drink back. Oops, i forgot it was for him. I hope I left enough for him...

**Grif's Diary, February 15, 12:55 PM**

Tex told me that I owe her one for stopping Tucker. I don't know if I should interested or terrified out of my mind.

Oh, no, now DOC'S coming.

...What's that...dog-thing with him? Why is Tucker acting all happy? He has no right to be happy! He tried to pick up on my sister!

Note to self: tell everyone what her real name is. Sometime. Maybe.

**Grif's Diary, February 15: Supplemental**

God, they'll just never believe it's Sister, stupid parents. Heh, I should just make something up... Nah too much work.

**Simmons's Diary, February 15, 12:57 PM**

Ok, time to think about this. How do I get these...images...out of my head? I could get drunk ... or kill Grif ... I mean, I don't actually want him dead, it's just that Red Team's so small in this canyon and Grif is always around and every time I see him I'm going to think about him up on stage as he dances and and and ... God damnit, I need another shower ... and I'm locking the door this time.

**Sister's Diary, February 15, 12:53**

Grif keeps on looking at Tex like she's about to eat him. Hah! Serves him right for running off all the boyfriends I could have had!

Oh, hey, Doc's coming over here. And he has Junior! Hey, Tucker, look! It's Junior!

**Junior's Diary, February 15, 1:00PM**

Blarg, Blarg, Honk!

Blarggy, Honk Honk, BLARG!

BLARG BLARG HONK!

**Junior's Diary, February 15, 1:00. As later translated by Andy**

There's Blarggy! Look, look, I have present for you! I killed it myself! And ... Blarggy, why are you on the ground? gasp Did someone hurt you! No one hurts my Blarggy but me! Who was it! I'll bite them!

**Tucker's Diary, February 15, 1:03 PM**

Aww, it's Junior! C'mere kiddo, give Dad a hug!

Ow! Or bite my hand. Good thing it was my left.

**Tucker's Diary, February 15: Supplemental**

Aww, and he brought me something too! It looks like a -

Oh. He killed it.

**Junior's Diary, February, 15, 1:03:20PM**

Mmmmmm, Blarggy always tastes soooo soothing, Blarg!

I hope she liked my present, and that if she doesn't finish it she'll let me have some!

**Sister's Diary, February 15, 1:05 PM**

Aw, Tucker and his dog-baby are so cute! They definitely need more time to bond. I'm thinking now would be a good time for me and Doc to slip away. But how do I do that without Dexter noticing...

**Sarge's Officious Journal, February 15, 1:03:30PM**

I have retrieved the sniper rifle and am using it strictly for scouting... Oh my god!

The dog has clearly become confused and turned against its former master, I will now go and enlist the help of Simmons to train him into a formidable fighting force. Once his obviously inferior fleshy parts are replace with cold steel of course, heh heh heh, I'll dub him Red Mutt!

**Tex's Diary, February 15, 1:04 PM**

Ah, so Doc's here. And Grif is staring in stupefication at his...alien...baby...thing.

Sister's a good kid. I've given her plenty of pep talks, so she ought to be able to whip Doc into shape. I'll just distract Grif here, heheheh...

**Tex's Diary, February 15: Supplemental**

And by distract, I of course mean do incessantly, god its been so long... well at least since it meant anything...

**Donut's Diary, February 15, 1:06 PM**

Sarge is amazing! He says we're getting a dog! He went to go find Simmons so that they can train it. I hope we can teach him to fetch! Ooo, maybe he can learn to count!

I hope Simmons doesn't mind me telling Sarge that he's in the shower. He only just got over his shyness about bathing in the nude...actually, Sarge barging in on him might not help...I think I'd better go give him a hand.

**Cabose's Journal, Febuary 15, 1:10 mP**

I have to go back to the store. The SUPER SECRET LIQUID is all gone! Sheila, we need to leave!

**Sheila's Log, February 15, 01:12:16:01 PM**

What SUPER SECRET LIQUID? Wait! Caboose! What are you talking about?

**Grif's Diary, February 15, 1:13 PM**

Tex won't stop staring at me. And giggling. And -

Cripes, she just slapped my ass!

**Sheila's Log, February 15, 1:11:45:08 PM**

Ha Ha haaaah 

Oh Caboose is coming over... I should shoot him right?

Right ... 

Firing Haaa ha Main Cannon

Bang!

Ah I missed, and he's still coming 

What a trooper ...

Ma hahhahahaha

**Sarge's Very Officious Journal, February 15, 1:13:37 PM**

I'm surrounded by morons. Doesn't Simmons realize that if he stays in the water too long his parts will rust? My God, kids these days! I'm going to have to train Red Mutt by myself while Donut bandages Simmons's head. He should know better than to scream and jump in the shower. He should have realized he's slip on the soap!

**Church's Diary, February 15, 1:13 PM**

Perfect! Caboose has run off and O'Malley and Sheila are going after him! Where's my Everclear...wait, O'Malley's going after Caboose? Oh my God! That's great! As long as I stay far away, I should be safe! Yes! Yes! Finally!

**Simmons's Diary, February 15, 1:13 PM**

Why did Sarge DO that? He scared me half to death!

Oh, God. Now Donut is wrapping my head. "Nurse Donut" my ass. He's not a nurse, anymore than I'm a waitress!

**Cabose's Diary, Febuary 15, 1:14 pmm**

Church hit me, and now Sheila tried to shoot me!

Ddon't they like me anymore?

**Doc's Diary, February 15, 1:20 PM**

Wow Tex, that's a...really inventive way to distract Grif.

But now Sister and I can slip away!

**Doc's Diary, February 15: Supplemental**

If only we could slip away into the night, but alas we have 36 suns, or as they like to be called 'stars', which makes that kinda hard... Wait, the cave! Its perfect...

**Sarge's Officious Journal of Manly Righteousness February 15, 1:15PM**

Hah, Suck it Blue! I mean hurm hergur, I have acquired the dog, while the Blue Devil fell into unconsciousness, no doubt at the very sight of my approach guns blazing! Either that or the enormous amount of blood leaking onto the ground. This dog and its radioactive vampiric powers could be the key to the Red Army's Glorious Victory!

**Grif's Diary, February 15, 1:16 PM**

Oh, God, I never thought I'd be happy to see Sarge! Sarge! Take me with you! This crazy freelancer keeps trying to pull my armor off! She's going to kill me! Sarge! Wait up!

**Tex's Diary, February 15, 1:16PM**

God all this hard-to-get is really getting me worked up... although if I didn't know any better I'd swear he was really trying to get away... oh god! He better not be gay, please!

**Church's Diary, February 15, 1:16 PM**

Ah, I can't stand this! I don't care that there's an out-of-control tank rampaging through the valley. I'm getting Tex back and I'm doing it now!

**Sheila's Log, February 15, 1:16:03PM**

Hey look it's Tex, she was so understanding, which is why she must die! 

Firing Main Cannon!

_The shot bounces off Tex and hits Church_

**Tex's Diary, February 15, 1:16:05PM**

Wow that was scary! Good thing I installed that new shielding device on my way over here, hey where'd Grif go? Oh this is going to be fun.

_Turns on camouflage..._

**Cabose's Diary, Febuary 15, 1:16 pm**

Sheila is shooting at people! She has gone crazy! What can I - oh, no! Church! Church, are you alright?

**Donut's Diary, February 15, 1:20 PM**

Man, Simmons can be so mean. I was just trying to help! He hit his head! He might have a concussion! He needs to stay awake! Why wouldn't Officer Hotpants help? Why?

**Church's Diary, February 15, 1:24 PM**

GodDAMMIT. It took freaking FOREVER to get my body working again.

And now, I need to go after Tex...wait, where is she? What's that blur in front of my fa -

WHOCK

**Church's diary entry has been discontinued due to Tex whacking him in the face and knocking him out so she could drag him to safety.**


End file.
